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  • Judy Mortellaro

My Love Hate Relationship

I was only twelve when he took control of my life. In the beginning he nauseated me, but a few more times and I was hooked. When I was upset or anxious, he was there for me. My social image was enhanced while he escorted me and my friends while we drank and walked the streets on Friday nights. I never noticed how his scent was always in my nose and on my clothes. I spent many hours studying while he was at my side. He carried me through poverty and depression, and when I wasn’t sure of anything I could be sure of him.

I soon realized that I had lost control of my life to him. I was at his mercy. I couldn’t breathe when I climbed the hill. There was little I could do that didn’t tax my strength. I couldn’t be with others who saw him for who he truly was. I began to reject his control of my mind. “You can’t let go of me. You will be sorry if you try. You are weak and need me.” I cried. I begged. I threw him out. My life had become days filled with urges for more. My mind was furiously fighting for freedom. I succumbed. I fought. I succumbed. Then one day, I looked in the mirror and said, “You are strong and beautiful. You can take control of your life. You are perfect and complete. You are free.” I threw him out one last time forever. I am free. I am in control of my Self.

I hate you

How can you trust someone with a name like Marlborough afterall?

I will never forgive you.


Nicotine addiction took hold of me for many years. To this day it was one of the most powerful influences on my life and growth. I look back at my life while under the influence and wonder how I could have ever been so consumed. I am grateful to have been given a second chance - to be able to let go. I am grateful. I only pray that those who are still in “his throes” will soon be released.

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